The Secret to having a great Marriage is to be a great Wife…
Now before you get all fired up, I am not suggesting taking the women’s movement back to the dark ages. I don’t see the 1950s as the good ol’ days and chauvinism has no place in the modern world thank you very much.
So, to qualify this slightly contentious statement…
I am a woman and I am very attached to the rights that I enjoy in this day, age and part of the world that I am lucky enough to inhabit. I am not in any way saying that you should be subservient to your spouse – especially by simple virtue of your gender (unless ofc being a sub is your jam!).
Being a ‘good little wifey’ for some Neanderthal does not appeal to me.
What I AM saying is that, if you want a great marriage you need to step the fuck up. You need to become a great Wife. And same goes for your other half too (although they may perhaps be a touch more resistant to this idea than you are).
But Why though?
Well, it’s been said that “An extraordinary relationship requires extraordinary people.”
And so, by that logic, if you’re Average then that’s the sort of Relationship you’ll get. Equally if you’re Shockingly Awful, that’s also what you’ll get.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you are doing anything wrong intentionally because I know you are 100% trying your best. You are doing what you believe is the right thing; like we all do.
The thing is when you’re not armed with the best information & skills about how to actually be in a long-term relationship; how to stop it from going wrong and what to do if/ when it does, then the likelihood is that you’ll have a haphazard sort of relationship. One where you’ve just ‘ended up’ doing what your doing – pretty much because you literally don’t know any better.
Currently, you just don’t know any better.
You’ll have most likely copied what you saw your parents doing, or even what you saw on Telly growing up. And this is100% said with Love – I used to be exactly where you are. But what is likely true is that you don’t have any real, solid information, skills or strategies about how to have a really epic Marriage. Because we’re not taught this stuff as standard and that’s where the problems really arise.
Think about it: if you had never driven a car before, or taken any lessons, and someone handed you the keys & told you to get on with it, you’d think they had lost their freaking mind wouldn’t you?! Well when we get into a Relationship with no idea of how to actually navigate a serious, long-term one, this is basically what we’re doing.
And this is why we do see so many relationships that are a total car wreck!
But this is not through lack of intelligence – because I know you are an intelligent person, it’s though lack of knowledge. And this is because, even in this day & age, we STILL think that relationships just happen by magic! That you & your beloved create some sort of special alchemy that will see you through the tough times & the multitude of crap that life throws at you; Not to mention all the ways in which you 2 will trigger each other.
*Spoiler Alert* It Won’t.
In fact, you BOTH need to show up in your Relationship as your best selves for it to function at a high level long term. However, as you have ZERO control over what your spouse does, the only thing you can ever control is YOU. So you have to just do You.
So be the very best frikkin wifey you can be! You might just find that when you start showing up as that person: the person you really want to be; that something quite magical does happen. You’ll find that you can positively impact the dynamics in your relationship and bring about a quite amazing change.
Owning it!
When you stop putting all the blame on your partner and remember that you are BOTH in this relationship; that it takes two to tango and you both have100% responsibility for how it plays out (so 200% between you – not 50/50 each!), things can change.
But not always for the better.
At this point, you have a choice (and remember that this is ALWAYS true in your Relationship!).
You can do 1of two things:
- Decide that if they are not going to take responsibility then neither are you. Decide that it can’t possibly work unless they are also buying in to the process.
- Focus solely on how YOU show up in the relationship; work out what choices YOU have and what sort of huge positive change YOU can make.
Great Wives can do the Maths…
If you choose option1 then you are ensuring that your Relationship will end. Because if 1 of you stops putting effort into the Relationship and the other follows suit then neither of you are contributing to it at all. This is rather like you 2 having a puppy and you deciding not to feed it because your spouse isn’t… It just won’t end well. Literally no one wins here.
If you chose the 2nd option though, it’s a Win/ Win – you know that you have tried your hardest, given your all and really been the best version of you. You’ve proven to yourself what a great Wife you can be and you might just find that you have the power to change your relationship single handedly…
But you know what? You’ll never know unless you try.
So go on, be the best Wife you can be…
If you want to know how to turn your Marriage around, even if you feel like you’re the only one trying, consider our Relationship Training. It can help you to Save or Heal your Marriage in just 8 weeks (and yes, it will also make you into a totally awesome wife!).